I’m a horrible sister. Still… If Masuko managed to get the favor of the prince, she could have better life. If she chooses to love the prince, she could get over Emperor Konoe. It’s the best choice for her. Miyuki convinced herself that she made the right choice despite knowing that she was doing it all for her egoism. “How is it? I believe the marriage should be done as fast as possible. It’s not good for them to play hide-and-seek after all.” Miyuki’s father spoke, waking Miyuki from her thoughts. They were at a meeting in the court to talk about the engagement. “I agree.” Emperor Go-Shirakawa nodded. “It’s best for them and for our relation as well.” “Forgive me for asking… Why are we having an engagement at this time?” One of the officials asked. “Shouldn’t we worry more of the possibility of rebellion? We have reports of men who seem to act weirdly. We suspect that they objected to the current Emperor.”
“It is exactly why we have to proceed with the marriage. With this marriage, they will think again. Even if they disagree with me as Emperor, they should know that after me, it would be my son.” Emperor Go-Shirakawa replied, looking very relaxed. “But—“ “Don’t worry. I don’t mind stepping down for my son.” Emperor Shirakawa smiled. “Well then, I believe we can start preparing for the big day!” He added, receiving applauses and cheers from his officers. Hearing so, Miyuki grasped her sleeves in frustration. While keeping a calm composure, she cursed the bad timing. Minamoto no Yoshitomo-sama won’t visit me if he knows about this. I don’t want that. No one will talk to me about my interests. Her mind began to spin in order to look for any possible way to keep meeting Yoshitomo. It drove her mad by the fact that she would be sent away for marriage soon. I’ll send letter to him. Ħ “Have you even been in love, Hana?” Fujiwara no Miyuki questioned to her maid to which Hana made a sour expression. “What?” Miyuki averted her eyes from Hana’s stare. “Why are you asking me that?” Hana asked as she returned her eyes to the book she was reading; The Tale of Genji. “I’m just… curious of what would you do if you have someone you love and if you have the choice to freely choose who to love… what would you do?” Miyuki asked, flipping the next page of the book she was reading; Tale of Ise. “Freedom in love? What kind of joke are you telling, miss?” Hana scoffed, chuckling at Miyuki. “Well… imagine! Won’t it be wonderful to freely love someone of your own choice instead of getting bound to a man you don’t know?” Miyuki put her book down, staring at Hana with seriousness in which Hana feared. “I don’t think… I am in place to say anything. I have never fallen in love.” Hana answered. Guilt was gnawing at her heart because she lied. However, she couldn’t possibly agree with Miyuki about freedom in love, knowing that it was odd for her lady to even mention it. Could it be… Lady Miyuki has fallen in love? But with who? “Never mind. I thought you would understand since you read The Tale of Genji but I guess it’s still literature.” Miyuki sighed. “Anyway, could please help me send this letter?” She passed an envelope to Hana. “Alright. I’ll send it tomorrow morning as it is already late.” Hana kept the envelope in her sleeve as she tucked Miyuki in bed. “Good night, Hana.” “Good night, my lady.” Ħ ‘To Minamoto no Yoshitomo-sama, How are you? I have been doing fine. What have you been doing?’ ‘To Fujiwara no Miyuki-sama, I am glad that you are in good health. I am fine as well. The court has been having music competition. I was elected as the best. I hope I can share this joy to you.’ ‘To Minamoto no Yoshitomo-sama, that is amazing. I am happy for you. I would love to listen to your music one day. Or perhaps, every single thing that you can do, I would like to see and listen.’ ‘To Fujiwara no Miyuki-sama, perhaps one day. I hope I can impress you.’ ‘To Minamoto no Yoshitomo-sama, you can. You always impress me with the way you are. What instrument do you play?’ ‘To Fujiwara no Miyuki-sama, I play many instruments but I love flute most. It makes a very calming sound just like the wind.’ ‘Will you play it to me next time? I’ll wait for it.’ After that, no more letters came to Miyuki’s residence. She waited for it every day, asking to Hana about it but there was none. It made Miyuki pace back and forth the whole day. Tales couldn’t keep her concentrating. Reading she may look like, but her mind was elsewhere. Have I made him angry? Have I made something wrong? Or is he busy? Miyuki pondered as she flipped to the next page of Tales of Ise she was reading. Realizing that she was not concentrating she looked at the page again. I wasn’t reading this chapter… Since when have I reached this page? Miyuki sighed. Her heart wasn’t at peace and she couldn’t stop thinking about her engagement and about Yoshitomo. “Sister? Why are you sighing?” Masuko approached with a box in hand. She sat beside Miyuki and opened the box, revealing sweets. “That’s right! I can send sweets!” Miyuki exclaimed. “Send to who?” Masuko arched an eyebrow. “Ah… I thought of buying something for Hana.” Miyuki lied. “Masuko…?” “What is it, sister? This Manjuu is so delicious! No regret buying this!” Masuko chirped as she turned her gaze to her sister who seemed troubled. “Are you alright, sister?” “Are you alright with the marriage? You were still mourning of Emperor Konoe when our parents suddenly told us about our new marriage…” Miyuki was guilty so she wanted to confirm that Masuko was alright with the marriage in order to work her plans out. Her plans were unfair but she thought it was the only thing she could do for her ‘freedom of love’. “Sister… I’m a bad woman. I’m thinking of… looking for comfort to Prince Morihito… I’m looking for Emperor Konoe’s replacement…” Masuko confessed. She put down the sweets and at the same time she put down her mask. “Masuko, no matter what we feel or what we think, we cannot escape from our destiny.” Miyuki placed her hand on Masuko’s shoulder. “I know… but still… I feel guilty.” “It’ll go away with the time.” Miyuki said. With that, they returned to their routine; keeping themselves entertained in the intelligent way of writing poems and when night came, Miyuki had sweets prepared to be sent for Yoshitomo. That night, she slept as she prayed for good news. Ħ It was midnight but Miyuki found herself wide awake. She had no idea what made her awake. She thought perhaps there was a reason for it. Indeed, it turned out true. Not long after she sat as she stared at the wall, someone knocked on her door. It surprised her but her instincts urged her to get the door for her intuition told her it was good news. The door which was soon slid open with the utmost care revealed her Yoshitomo. “Yoshitomo-sama!” She muttered under her breath with her eyes staring at the man in disbelief as If it was a dream or delusion. “Miyuki-sama… I’m sorry I can’t reply to your letters. They were found out.” Yoshitomo reached a hand to caress Miyuki’s cheek. Despite being bare-faced, both of them felt comfortable with each other. Upon Miyuki’s appearance, Yoshitomo couldn’t hold himself back so he placed his hand on Miyuki’s hand and caressed it as if it was his long lost treasure. “I have missed you.” He smiled. “Me too… I have missed you too, Yoshitomo-sama.” Miyuki returned the smile as he beckoned Yoshitomo to enter the room by hand. “Tell me what happened.” She shut the other with another hand and beckoned for him to be seated. Leaning her head on Yoshitomo’s shoulder, Miyuki felt at ease. It was as if time and space were their own. However, the calmness didn’t stay long. Not until Yoshitomo opened his mouth to ask. “Are you… engaged to the prince?” Yoshitomo asked, not looking to Miyuki. “…Yoshitomo-sama?” Miyuki looked up to Yoshitomo who looked straight, refusing to look at her eyes. Yoshitomo was troubled and so was Miyuki. “Yoshitomo-sama… I never have the intention to love the princ—“ Miyuki held onto Yoshitomo’s hands tightly, trying to convince him. “—what about your sister?” It caught Miyuki off-guard when her sister was mentioned. She had been hiding her intention in having her sister to serve the price instead of her. She had been planning to run away along with Yoshitomo but she had never expected someone would have investigated her. Who it was, she had no idea but what mattered was Yoshitomo knew about it. “Masuko… will marry Prince Morihito and serve him as Empress.” Miyuki answered with fear gnawing at her heart. She feared that knowing her hideous side, Yoshitomo would leave her. “… Miyuki!” Yoshitomo called, grabbing Miyuki by her shoulders and finally looking at her. His eyes filled with longing and love. There was no single hostility or negativity. He had been holding himself back. He had been gathering his courage to visit. He had been waiting… for the truth. “May I… embrace you?” Upon what Yoshitomo had said, Miyuki understood that it was truly love they shared. Smiling sweetly, Miyuki reached forward to embrace Yoshitomo first. He was hers and she was his. It was almost as if God blessed them to be together. However, it reminded them that they were not supposed to be together. The fact brought tears to Miyuki’s eyes. “Miyuki… don’t cry. I know.” Yoshitomo’s eyebrows furrowed in sadness. He pulled them closer slowly with their eyes on each other. Slowly but surely, they exchanged lovers’ kiss. “Yoshitomo-sama… take me away.” Miyuki muttered, placing her head on her lover’s chest. That moment, she had started her embarking to her own Tale of Genji with shared kisses, shared touches and shared fever of affections. Ħ Life wasn’t as easy for Miyuki for the next few days. Preparations of marriage were moving fast and her plans were not working so well due to unexpected events. Her mother had been asking her out to choose her choice of clothes and make up products. She barely had anytime alone. Hana was also tailing her no matter where she went with the reason that she was bride-in-waiting of course she had to be attended. Miyuki felt oppressed greater than before. Days became months and Miyuki hadn’t caught even a glimpse of her beloved. It was stressing her out. She had no time to write letters or even to read one. Letters piled up in her drawers, but she couldn’t risk reading it in front of Hana or worst, her parents. She had to stay silent. Little did she know that the condition and situation were going to turn for the worst of all. Another meeting with the Emperor was held. Miyuki sat obediently behind her parents as she played with her hands; anxious. Everything seemed to go smooth as planned. Masuko also looked cheerful, no longer mourning as much as she used to. The meeting, however, wasn’t going to do Miyuki any favor because Minamoto no Yoshimoto was there. “How are you doing with your family?” Emperor Go-Shirakawa asked. The question shook Miyuki strongly that she tilted her head instinctively only to see Yoshitomo nodding to the Emperor with a smile. “They are doing fine. My children are healthy and good too.” Yoshitomo answered. After nodding and smiling, did Yoshitomo catch Miyuki’s pair of eyes staring at him questioningly. Weren’t we in love? Miyuki grasped her sleeves tightly to suppress the boiling emotions inside; anger, frustration, betrayal and hate. She was hurt. She knew she was not perfect that she had to be married off but at least she stayed loyal. What had the man done? Why did he keep it all to himself even until she gave herself to him? I gave him everything…and yet… Miyuki spent the whole meeting, suppressing her feelings and it took her whole consciousness. She kept agreeing to whatever her parents suggested and asked nothing about any of it which later served her with regret. Ħ For weeks, Fujiwara no Miyuki was confined to her room. Guards stood at entrance to hold off anyone who tried to get inside the bride-in-waiting room. For weeks, Miyuki had the pain in her chest. The pain which grew upon her broken heart due to her lover’s silence. I was a fool. Was I the only one working out for our love? Did he even… truly love me? Miyuki stared blankly at the Tale of Genji she was attempting to read. She couldn’t focus with her soul elsewhere looking for a vessel to stay without getting hurt. Unable to endure the piercing pain, Miyuki started to breathe heavily. She loosened her collars but it didn’t help. She took hold of the book and threw it away upon piling frustration. She wondered why they met and she wondered why had she fallen for him. Were all affections fake? Did he lie to me? “Miyuki-sama?” Hana entered the room to find the book of Tale of Genji thrown aside. It was not a great sign. Upon the sight, Hana approached Miyuki. Guilt eating her heart. “What are my plans for today?” Miyuki asked, not bothered to look at Hana. “Poetry and music.” Hana answered timidly. “Why are you… so uncomfortable?” Miyuki turned to Hana, sensing the oddity. “I… It’s nothing.” Hana attempted to hide, smiling wide but she was not a good liar. “Are you hiding something?” Miyuki took a step forward, her eyes staring intently at Hana’s. Seeing Hana’s discomfort, Miyuki was determined to have her spit out everything. Before Hana even said anything, Miyuki came to an answer herself. “This whole isolation… was your idea?” Miyuki’s eyes widened to send daggers at Hana. “You read my letters. You sent them to my parents?!” she hissed. Once didn’t seem sufficient as fate played around with Miyuki’s fortune. To be betrayed twice, it put a toll on Miyuki’s body and mind. Upon the pain surfacing, Miyuki breathed with difficulty. With the pressure from the knowledge of betrayals by people she loved and cared about, she fell on her knees. “Miyuki-sama!” Hana went to Miyuki’s side, propping her up. “Guards! Call for Physician! Hurry!” she shouted, then she tried to keep Miyuki in check. When the physician had checked on her. He revealed that it was stress and confinement which caused her to fall ill. It put weight on her mind and caused the body to recognize it as an illness as well as insufficient sleep. Due to the betrayal by her beloved, she had been restless for many nights. In addition, she found out that her most-trusted maid was her parents’ spy. Her affair was found out and her lover ran away to save himself from shame. Thus, Miyuki continued staying in her room until the day of her marriage. Ħ Even until the day of her marriage, Miyuki had been pondering. She had been pondering whether everything she saw was all fake and delusional as well as the fact that no one was to be trusted, not even her parents. It was her wedding night. Being led to the hallway towards the castle, Miyuki told herself that she wanted to believe in what she had felt. She wanted to confirm that the affections were at least real. Miyuki scanned around her surroundings and looked for an opening to slip away. When she found it, she took the bet. She ran with all her might out of the castle. Guards chased her but she hid herself well among the trees and bushes. That was when her ears caught the voice of men. Sprinting towards the source, Miyuki told herself that Yoshitomo could be there. No matter how much hate she had, love overwhelmed it. When hope came in, she thought not of the hate and the betrayal but she yearned the affections and warm love they had shared. Reaching outside, what happened made her confused. War occurred. A rebellion by forces who favored the previous Emperor. It was a horrible view. Men killed each other for the sake of their ideals and not prioritizing peace over their pride. “Yoshitomo-sama!” Miyuki shouted. She knew very well that shouting for his name would bring herself danger. However, love overflowed within her. She could care less about what happened to her. She wanted her feelings to be accepted and that would suffice. She jumped among the fight and continued her search for her beloved. It was difficult to look for a man among thousands of men. Still, she had missed him. She wanted to look at him. She thought not of her marriage. She thought not of shame and honor. All she wanted was freedom. How odd was fate that brought Miyuki to where Yoshitomo was. “Miyuki! Why are you here?! You are supposed to marry the Emper—“ Yoshitomo circled an arm around her shoulder, while the other hand held onto his sword to fend off rebels. “—tell me that you loved me. Were you even in love with me? When I gave myself to you, have you ever loved me?” Miyuki proceeded to question. She had to hear the answer herself. “Tell me you didn’t betray me at all!” “With all honesty, I have and I still do. I’ve missed you but safety of the Emperor takes priority… your safety included.” Yoshitomo replied as he watched out for any enemies. “I don’t have enough power to steal you from the prince. At least… I thought at least, I would want a room in your heart.” Yoshitomo sighed, eyebrows furrowed as he looked away. “Look at me.” Miyuki placed her palms by his cheeks, turning his attention to her. “…but I regret not smearing my name. Freedom of love is what I want.” Let my feelings conveyed. Miyuki smiled. Yoshitomo didn’t know that there was a man sneaking behind him and that Miyuki saw it. That instant which felt like forever, ended in an instant when Miyuki released Yoshitomo and spun to take the blow for her dearest on her heart. I’m…content. He loves me and it is…enough. Miyuki lost her whole strength, falling on the ground which put dirt on her pretty face and white gown. Blood seeped by the corner of her matching red lips. Her white gown as well was like white camellia tainted with red. “Miyuki!!!” Yoshitomo rushed to end the enemy and held tightly onto Miyuki’s slumped body. He called her name countless times but Miyuki had breathed her last upon the strike to her heart. What made Yoshitomo burst in tears, however, was Miyuki’s smile as she departed to Sanzu River[1]. “Suo no Naishi…poem.” Yoshitomo muttered as he mourned over Miyuki. He then led the war and defeated the rebels. The rebellion was recorded in history as Hogen Rebellion. July 28th in 1156 which continued to the 29th of July with the Imperial Forces winning and leaders of rebellion punished severely. Minamoto no Yoshitomo became the head of the clan after the beheading of his father, Minamoto no Tameyoshi, one of the leaders of the rebellion. [1] It was believed that the dead had to go pass the river to the afterlife.
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AuthorI am an amateur author and this is my web where i will spread my stories in the vast world called internet. Nice to meet you everyone! Archives
January 2018
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